Fit as a Fiddle

So I've decided to come clean about one of my deep and abiding medical problems. This ailment has been troubling me for many years but the doctors refuse to accept this as a real medical condition. However, I took it to the local pharmaceutical companies and they told me that not only did I have a dreadful medical condition, but they could offer me a prescription for it. Now, my insurance won't cover the drugs and it costs an arm and a leg, literally, but I think it's really worth it.
So the other day, I gave them my right leg and and my left arm in exchange for a prescription to treat my disease. But having only one leg is actually quite helpful; I'm only in half as much pain as I once was. You see, since I was seven years old, I've been suffering from restless baby toe syndrome.

I feel so much better now after getting that off my chest.

Me oh My

This morning, I opened the fridge and pulled out the orange carton that supposedly contained orange juice. Being a bit tired and bleary-eyed, I shook up the carton and then poured myself a glass. Now I knew I was tired, but it seemed to me that the orange juice was a bit brighter in color than usual. It was about the color of TANG! as opposed to the subtle light orange color I've grown accustomed to my orange juice being. I took a sip, assuming the color issue to be due to my having only woken up a few minutes earlier. Whatever this substance I was consuming was, it did not taste like the Meijer's Pulpless Orange Juice I have grown to know and love.
So I looked at the carton to see what valuable insight it might give me as to why my orange juice looked like TANG instead of my beloved orange juice.
Closer inspection of the orange juice carton revealed the truth to me. I had not just poured myself a glass of orange juice. (Actually, if we want to be really accurate in this tale, I had poured myself a plastic cup of an unidentified liquid substance.)
Anyway, the carton revealed to me that my lovely mother had gone out and bought Meijer's Tangerine Juice. And if that weren't bad enough, my lovely mother had left for the airport about an hour and a half before I woke up...and she won't be returning until Sunday. In addition, she had taken my father with her, so I couldn't complain to either one of them about it. Nor could I con them into returning the tangerine juice to the store and replacing it with a product of a slightly higher quality.
My esteemed brother also noticed the odd choice of beverage, but he thought it tasted fine. However, he also wondered why our lovely mother had bought tangerine juice of all things.

Maison des Lunes

So I looked out my front window and noticed that our copy of the esteemed publication The Ann Arbor News was sitting in our newspaper delivery box so I put on some shoes and trotted out to the box to pick it up. Now I had been on my laptop earlier in the day and had already discovered via Yahoo news that I could, if I so desired, view a video of the delightful socialite (and for some reason celebrity) Paris Hilton leaving jail. Now seeing as such a prospect did not entice me, I was able to avoid the "captivating" Miss Hilton.
However, upon retrieving my copy of the newspaper, I glanced over the front page to see what movie was showing at Top of the Park this evening and was pleased to discover that it was "Singin' in the Rain", one of my favorite movies. In glancing over the cover, I also happened to notice the day's main headlines. One was about crooks removing catalytic converters from cars and another was about an eating competition, a thought that just makes me want to hurl. There was also a helpful piece about children bringing medicines into schools, which is important. I remember being a senior in high school who needed to take a painkiller and a few other prescriptions before a root canal and having to leave these drugs in the school office all day.
But I digress. The main headline on the paper read "Paris pays her debt to society (sort of)" with a subtitle of "Surprise! Good behavior gets her sprung".
Now maybe this blog post is only contributing to the popularity of celebutantes such as Miss Hilton, but I am sick of the amount of publicity Miss Hilton has been receiving in recent months. I have heard people discussing this case at church and in other unusual places. Why is it that we Americans insist on treating movie stars and people who have done nothing other than being born into a wealthy family as heroes? What has Paris Hilton done to receive our praise or respect? We live in a world of crazy people.

stab my back...it's better when I bleed for you...

Okay so tonight I was out hanging out with friends and had a great time. Then I get home and my dad informs me that Bath and Body Works called while I was out to tell me that they don't need me to come to work tomorrow. I was originally going to get ten hours this week. Now I'm getting ten...if they have me work Saturday. I'm so angry with those idiots. If anyone knows anyone who would be willing to hire me to work for them for about a month or so, that'd be great. I won't be able to work after July 27 and I'm going to Long Lake from July 14-21. But if I could get a second job or just a new job, that'd be great. I really need the money.

What does it all mean?

These are real quotes from Bath and Body Works customers.

Yesterday this guy came in and started looking at our Wallflowers. (They're like a Glade Plug-In type thing.) He was looking at them and I went over to him to ask him how I could help him. He looked at me and said, "I want one that doesn't smell too gay."

A little later this lady was looking at our anti-bacterial soaps and she picked up a bottle that was clearly marked "sparkling peach". She opened it and sniffed it before announcing to anyone between Von Maur and Northern Canada that it "smells like cat pee! Oh, it's peach. I don't like peaches. They smell like cat pee."

Right...well, no peach I've ever eaten smells like cat pee, but if you feed your cat peaches, her pee will smell like peaches.

Run and do not grow weary

I don't usually like moralizing or philosophizing online, but tonight I want to say this. I want people to think about this.
Last Friday, Jack "Dr. Death" Kevorkian was released from prison after spending seven years in prison for helping a man who was unable to kill himself commit suicide. While Kevorkian has no intention to return to the assisted suicide business (probably due to his probation), he does intend to work towards the legalization of euthanasia, assisted suicide, and suicide.
Last night, six good men died trying to save the life of another man. These men died when their helicopter crashed into Lake Michigan when they were trying to take organs to the University of Michigan hospital to save the life of a man, a man who will probably die because of this accident.

I highly doubt that this man WANTS to die. I doubt this family wants him to die. Jack Kevorkian is in the business of helping people die. Richard Chenault and the others in that helicopter were in the business of helping people live. We do not have a God-given right to die. We do have a God-given right to life and a duty to protect life. Euthanasia is not mercy; it is sin. Assisted suicide does no one any favors. In short, we have a duty to protect life from conception to a natural death when God calls us home.

Somewhere out there

So I never did find out what Honey's middle name was although her last name was Polish. However, I will say that her personality was not such that it would inspire you to think of Honey-or anything else sweet and smooth. But then I suppose that when Frau Hitler named her son "Adolph" she never dreamed that name would become synonymous with evil. And somehow, in my twisted little head, that all made sense.
But yeah...naming your kids things like "Honey" "Snookums" or "Sweetiecakes" that's just a bad idea.
In other news I went to Traverse City for my mom's cousin's daughter's wedding. Now you may wonder what I was doing there since we basically have no real blood connection and I haven't seen Lauren since I was nine. Well, I'll explain that. We're Italian; she's family. Heck, we call Lauren's dad's sister who is no relation to us at all "Auntie Linda." Yeah...you know you're Italian when...

I'm still working at Bath and Body Works. We're having training this week and part of next week. Our trainer who came in from corporate is nuts. She's pretty nice in general, but her favorite phrase is "I'm extremely passionate about....[insert BBW product name here]..."
Well, I'm extremely passionate about hating the phrase "extremely passionate."

Anyway kiddos, I'll see y'all on the flip side.